Publication:The Oklahoman; Date:Jun 29, 2003; Section:Living; Page Number:95
Dead ringer for unsafe distraction
Cell phones’ pervasive tones are assaults on public etiquette
By Brandy McDonnell Staff Writer
GLORIA Auth remembers a long silence on the other end of a cellular telephone as "the most terrifying three minutes of my life."
She had called a friend on his cellular telephone while he was driving. While they were talking, he was involved in an accident. She heard the crash and then nothing but silence. Then, he started to moan, and she knew he was hurt.
While her friend was not seriously injured, his car was totaled. Auth said she feels partly responsible for the accident, since her call distracted him.
For Auth, an Edmond etiquette coach, the incident proves that, although their owners can take the gadgets most anywhere, cellular telephones are not to be used everywhere. Safety and courtesy must be considerations when using a portable telephone.
"We’re not that indispensable. There was a time when people couldn’t reach us 24/7," said Auth, founder and director of Protocol Plus. "It’s a convenience. Don’t abuse it."
July is Cell Phone Courtesy Month. With the boom in the number of cell phone users, Auth said it is important for people to be aware of their environment when they use their telephones, especially if they are in a vehicle.
"It’s an obsession. It’s almost like cell phones and cars go together. We get in the car, and we want to multitask," Auth said.
She suggested drivers should generally avoid using cell phones, because inattention while driving can significantly increase the risk of crashing. Motorists should make calls before they put the vehicle in drive and use a hands-free headset if they have to use the telephone while moving. They should suspend conversations in hazardous conditions, including rain, snow, construction and heavy traffic.
Just because a person’s cell phone rings doesn’t mean he or she is obligated to take the call, in the car or otherwise.
"Never discuss anything that’s going to be stressful or emotional on the phone, because you don’t realize how much that takes your attention away from driving," she said.
When calling a person’s cell phone, callers should find out whether that person is driving, she said. If the phone owner is behind the wheel, make the conversation brief or call back later.
When making a call from a cell phone, she recommended letting the other person know, in case of interference or lost calls.
Even if a cell phone is a person’s only phone, it is not intended to bring personal and business calls into the public arena. People often talk more loudly than they intend when using portable telephones, and some don’t use good judgment about what is appropriate to discuss in public.
"People don’t need or want to know your personal business," she said, adding she and several other strangers once heard a woman reveal intimate details about a date while talking on her telephone in a gym locker room.
She suggested keeping even mundane conversations short and taking the chat to a discreet area when visiting public places such as malls and stores.
"It’s not a portable phone booth," she said. "People forget when they are on the cell phone that people can hear their conversation. ... They get involved in their conversations and forget they’re interrupting other people’s privacy and quiet."
Auth recommended using the silent or vibrate functions at weddings, funerals, churches, social gatherings and business meetings and turning the ring to a discreet volume in other public places. She suggested turning the ringer off and avoiding conversations in restaurants, since they are often noisy anyway.
"Don’t let it take precedence over the person sitting in front of you," she said, adding that if a person gets a call during a meal with a friend or associate, the person should just let the call go to voice mail.
Taking calls during a formal occasion, church services, movies or while in the bathroom, library or classroom is inappropriate, she added. If a truly vital call comes in, let it go to voice mail and then go to a more private place to return it. Leave and enter discreetly.
If a person forgets to put the phone on silent and it goes off at an inappropriate time, turn it off quickly. Owners should know how to operate their phones, she said, remembering a banquet where a woman sat on her cell phone because she didn’t know how to turn the ringer off.
Kevin Hooker, manager at AMC Quail Springs 24 Theater in Oklahoma City, said it is not uncommon to hear cell phones ringing during movies, especially teen-oriented films. In dramas and films that attract adults, the audiences seem to pay more heed to the reminder that runs on the screen before features.
"I think it (the reminder) discourages it. Obviously, I don’t think it’s a perfect solution," he said.
While most patrons immediately switch off ringing phones, employees occasionally encounter moviegoers trying to have conversations while a movie is playing. The ushers have added noisy cell phones and cell phone users to the list of violations they look for when checking the theaters. Hooker said the problem isn’t rampant, running second or third to the issue of children talking during movies.
Dale Swanson, executive pastor of Victory Christian Center in Oklahoma City, said the church occasionally has cell phones ring during its services. Usually, a member or guest has simply forgotten to put the cell on silent, and most people are quick to turn them off.
The church runs a reminder on its video screens before the services, asking members to turn off their phones and pagers. Ken Surritte, associate pastor of Henderson Hills Baptist Church in Edmond, said his congregation has taken the same step to help overcome folks’ forgetfulness.
"Most people are courteous enough to shut them off, but we do have them ring now and again," said Ed House, president of the Oklahoma Funeral Directors Association.
House, the co-owner of Stumpff Funeral Home in Bartlesville, said he doesn’t post reminders since most users are mindful of the etiquette. Usually, a ringing phone is simply due to forgetfulness, but he thinks a small number of people disregard any request to silence their phones.
Kevin Dennis, past president of the Oklahoma Funeral Directors Association, recommended funeral attendees leave their phones in the car out of respect for the occasion. Few things should be more important than attending a loved one’s services, and leaving the phone ensures the owner won’t neglect to turn it off.
The general manager of Vondel Smith and Sons Mortuaries said he has been to services where people, even family members, have taken calls, left the chapel to have their conversations and then come back in, disrupting the service not once but twice. Unless they are on call or expecting a truly important call, they should let their silent phones go to voice mail.
If they are anticipating an important call, they should sit near the back, set the phone to vibrate and wait until they are outside the chapel to begin talking, Dennis said.
"It’s just common sense," he said.
Auth said cell phone owners can set the example at meetings, lunches or formal occasions by letting others see them take out their phones and set them on silent.
"It sets the expectations," she said. "It will be a reminder to them."
